Regardless of where you stand on the Cosby mistrial, you have no doubt heard about it. It’s unavoidable right now. And that’s okay. This is a necessary conversation whether you are a survivor or not.
Criminal Trial vs. Civil Trial
The Bill Cosby trial was a criminal trial. Many of his supporters don’t believe these women because “they waited so long to report.” That they’re only doing so now “for the money and attention” — untrue, since in this particular case, many of these women came forward decades ago. It’s only taken until 2017 for the case to come to trial due to various legal loopholes. Dozens of women came forward regarding Cosby, but the statute of limitations had expired.
Worth noting: he admitted to “drugging women for sex” in a previous civil trial.
The ignorance astounds and insults millions of sexual assault survivors, like me. A criminal trial does not seek to award money to the victims (I use the word victim only in the legal sense). It seeks to assign penalties. In this one case regarding Constand, “Cosby remains charged with three second-degree felony counts of aggravated indecent assault, and each count carries a minimum sentence of five years in prison. All told, if found guilty, Cosby could spend the rest of his life in prison.” (Source: NPR).
This is the case that went to trial (and is still viable for retrial) because the statute of limitations hasn’t run out. Many other survivors are pursuing civil trials because that’s their only option to seek justice.
Why Survivors Don’t Report
Survivors don’t report for a myriad of reasons. Go on over to Twitter and look up the hashtag #WhySurvivorsDontReport to see the heartbreakingly honest reasons. Survivors are female, male, young, old, gay, transgendered, all colors and all backgrounds. Sexual assault doesn’t discriminate, but society certainly does.
For people attempting to fit survivors into a political, religious, or racist narrative, I say back the hell off. We are not here to fit into your cozy little story.
Let’s be clear: survivors are not female only.
RAINN stats show 1 in 4 girls, and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused before the age of 18; 93% are known to the victim. In 88% of the sexual abuse claims that CPS substantiates or finds supporting evidence of, the perpetrator is male. (Source: RAINN.)
One reason many have for supporting Cosby (and other alleged rapists like Trump, Woody Allen, and others) is the amount of time many of their accusers wait. If they waited to report, it must be they’re lying. I’m not sure how one equals the other, but whatever. Armchair psychiatry at its worst.
Everyone is an expert on what sexual assault survivors should do.
This is pure ignorance. I urge people learn and understand how the brain is affected by trauma. What it means when the pre-frontal cortex is impaired during states of high stress. “What PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) is and how it affects sexual assault survivors. How fear, shame, and guilt affect our very souls.
According to Justice Department reports:
Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Bureau of Justice Statistics, Female Victims of Sexual Violence, 1994-2010 (2013).
“One of the hallmarks of drug-related sexual assaults is the effect the drug has on the victim’s memory and ability to recall and were nonetheless willing to present this evidence to the jury.” (Source: NPR) When people say survivors ‘only want attention,’ I vehemently challenge this notion. Who wants this kind of attention? Does this sound fun to you? Yea, a real party.
Survivors: Facing Our Abusers In Court
I have stared down my abuser in court, at the tender age of twelve. The abuse happened repeatedly during my eleventh year of life. The DA feared the case wasn’t strong enough because the two four-year-olds, where there was DNA evidence in the vaginal and anal regions, were too young to verbalize what happened. But I wasn’t.
He got two years.
So, for those who say all survivors are lying, or we just want attention, I’m here to tell you: I’ve been there. I never ever wanted any of the attention. Not from my abuser, not from the police, and certainly not in court. I didn’t want the accusations and dirty looks from his children, the gossip at school and in the neighborhood, or the scarlet letter that came from being ‘the one who was abused by that child molester’ my entire school career.
I did report, but only after I initially said no during police questioning. It was all too humiliating and shameful. I did tell (because children are horrible liars and they knew something was up — another reason the excuse ‘children lie about being sexually abused’ doesn’t hold water), but that doesn’t mean I judge others who don’t. And neither should you or anyone else.
This is why survivors don’t report.
Do you need help right now? Contact RAINN.org or chat with them now by calling 1-800-656-HOPE 24/7.
Please join me for #SexAbuseChat every Tuesday 6pm pst/9pm est with my cohost, survivor and certified therapist Bobbi L Parish. If you want to read more about my story, head over to Amazon for my award-winning books, Broken Pieces, and Broken Places. I’m writing Broken People now.
The post This is the Reason I Started #WhySurvivorsDontReport and Why it Matters Now appeared first on Rachel Thompson.